The Apple Pie Life
by cloudsarefluffy
Summary: -COMPLETE- Life is an uncertain thing. One day you think you might know it and by the next you might not have a clue. You might have a good footing and the ground is suddenly knocked out from under you. Life and time were precious- one just hadn't realized that yet. DESTIEL. M for slash.
1. Chapter 1

****Author's Note: _**

**I swear this is going to be awesome. Or I hope it will be.  
I'm not always right- ya know.**

**Anyways, here's another fic on Destiel. (:**

**ENJOY!~**

* * *

Life is an uncertain thing. One day you think you might know it and by the next you might not have a clue. You might have a good footing and the ground is suddenly knocked out from under you. For Castiel Novak, life so far had been nothing more than a non-measurable amount of regular days spent wishing for the next. Life and time were precious- he just hadn't realized that yet.

It began in Castiel's last year of high school. He was cramping his schedule with the last of his classes, filling out his college essays and sending them off hoping for a chance. His parents hugged him and gave him a kiss every morning, sending him off to swimming practice with bright smiles on their faces. Castiel was every parent's dream when it came to an over-achieving child.

His report cards were straight A's, he had no records or problems with teachers, he had friends. Overall, Castiel was doing pretty fine in life. The dream life, as most called it. One that led to white picket fences and a dark green yard, kids running around and laughing. For Castiel, it was the dream he needed, one he pushed and strived for every day until graduation.

It was the beginning of his senior year, and the pressure was buckling down. All of his classes were AP or dual enrollment. The amount of credits he needed and points on certain tests were memorized in his head like the back of his palm. For him, this was his last hurrah, and he was going to impress everyone with how far he was going to make it.

"Did you fill out your entry forms yet?" Castiel asked Gabe over the phone, his best friend currently groaning.

"_No-_" a ruffle of papers, "_I've been too busy with chemistry to do that._"

Castiel chuckled, flopping on his bed, "I have Mr. Singer- who do you have?"

"_Alistair._"

Castiel felt a bit of pity, "That's awful, I heard he's a real strict guy."

"_You have no idea..._"

Gabriel was just like Castiel, trying to get into prestigious schools by grades or at least his scholarship for track. He and Castiel had been friends since middle school, and they were both trying to help each other get into their desired colleges.

"_Well, at least I don't have to worry about something anymore._"

Castiel tilted his head in confusion, "What?"

"_I got the record time on the meet yesterday. Then, I got a letter today from Franklin- they're interested._"

"That's great!"

There was a static sigh, "_I guess. I really wanted them to notice my brains, not that I can run so fast._"

Castiel gave his sympathy, "They never notice us for what we want."

"_It's okay- at least they did. Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, okay? _"

"Alright, night."

"_Night._"

The alarm beeped, the green lines reading four in the morning. This was usual for Castiel, he had swimming practice in the morning. He got up, took his shower, dressed, and left. The water was waiting for him, and Castiel jumped in. He did his laps, pushing his muscles to go faster. Castiel had a record to keep as sixth in the country.

School began normally, Castiel writing down everything possible and paying attention. He asked questions, became involved. It was just like the past three years for him. The bell rang and Castiel made his way to have lunch with Gabe.

"How's class with Alistar holding up?"

"Awful," Gabe took a long sip of his bottled water, "he's cramming my damn skull with stuff to do. I swear I'm going to have to drop classes."

Castiel shook his head, "You're going to have to man up and deal with it, Franklin might skim over if you give up that easily."

Gabriel just snorted.

Chemistry with Singer was next. Castiel had heard a lot about the man. He was apparently pretty good and got along with a lot of the kids. Good considering Castiel always seeked healthy teacher and student relationships- platonic of course. He sat down in one of the desks and started writing down things.

"Alright you idjits, here's what's gonna happen." the class giggled quietly, "I'm going to assign you a partner you're going to work with all year- and don't fuss because I won't listen. I'm going to call you by last name and you're going to receive your textbook. Anders."

Castiel waited patiently, "Novak."

He got out of his seat, grabbing his book. Mr. Singer wrote something down and looked up, "You're at lab six."

Castiel sat down there, bringing his things and waiting to see who was his partner. He watched as ten minutes after the bell to be in class rang, a student walked in. His leather jacket was popped up at the collar, his jeans ripped a little at the knees and his black converse hitting the floor as he dragged his heels. Just as he walked in, Singer called his name.

The mysterious guy, last name Winchester, sat down beside him. He propped his feet on the lab table, popping his gum and smiling towards him, green eyes connecting with Castiel's. For a first impression it was disappointing.

"Name's Dean." He held out his hand.

Castiel eyed it, shaking in gingerly, "I'm Castiel."

"No, I know you're name already. You're one of those kids who's fretting about college. It's your senior year dude, now's the time to slack off and not give a damn."

"I just can't _stop caring_."

Dean popped his gum again, "Figure out how to then."

Castiel gritted his teeth. A really bad first impression then. He sulked by the window at the thought of having to work with Dean. His grades would more than likely slip and- goodbye college. No, he wasn't going to let Dean throw away his scholarship, he'd be sure of it.

"So, partner, what are we doing today?"

Castiel grunted, "It's on the board, read it yourself. Or is that too hard for you?"

"Ah- someone's a little touchy. Loosen up a bit, you're almost done with all this shit."

"I am not _almost_ done," he hissed quietly, "I've got this year and entries to do- something I'm sure you don't have to worry about."

Dean chuckled, "It's true- I don't. Don't have time for college, nor the want. Too boring for me."

"I'd say too challenging."

Dean's eyebrows raised, "Touche, partner. But no- contrary to your little theory, college doesn't matter."

Castiel was fuming now. Not only was Dean irritating him, he was judging him for trying to succeed. Castiel glared, taking in Dean's attire of rebellion and free-spirited thoughts. He didn't respond- focusing on the assignment before them as Dean just kept popping his gum. For Castiel, class wasn't ending soon enough.

"Which college are you planning to attend?"

"Clarence."

Dean nodded, "Good one- low acceptance rate though. Why don't you go to a regular college? They would be happy to have you."

Castiel scoffed, "And turn down a lifetime opportunity? Clarence may have a low acceptance rate but that's because it's a place that wouldn't allow _you_ ten feet from the grounds."

"That breaks my heart, baby." Dean rolls his eyes, "What's the point of all this anyway?"

Castiel gave a look to Dean as if the answer were obvious- because it was, "Uhh- to get a good job in life? Great paycheck and all of the pluses."

"The apple pie life, huh. Two story house with a wrap around deck. A field instead of a yard because it's so big- should have told me you were like an American girl in the fifties."

"I am not like that!"

Another pop of the gum, "So what? You want a dream life- that's fine. Who doesn't, honestly?"

Castiel detested the gum currently, "I believe you would."

"Damn Cas, you already know so much about me. I'm glad you have been paying attention."

He just gripped his pencil tighter and ignored him. Dean just chewed his gum for the rest of the class, still not doing anything. The bell rang and Castiel felt grateful. He waited until Dean left to approach Mr. Singer. The whole time Castiel eyed Dean leave so he could pull aside the teacher without him knowing.

"Can I switch partners?"

"Why? Is something wrong between you and Dean?"

Castiel tilted his head, "I'm afraid we're butting heads more often than not."

Mr. Singer sighed, "I know Dean. He's a little overbearing and difficult at first, but once you get to know him he's a really good kid. Just give him some time- you'll see."

Castiel cursed in his mind as he walked out, Dean waiting by the door frame and eyes narrowed. His gum was gone and all Castiel could think was: _Thank God for small favors._

"What was _that _ all about?" Dean hissed.

"Oh, upset now? I asked him if I could switch partners."

Dean's eyes narrowed, "Oh congrats to you for fucking standing up for your education- bravo. But if you're going to say something about me or try and pull something like that, I prefer you say it to my face before you go stickin' a knife in my damn back. See you later, Cas."

Castiel gritted his teeth again, watching Dean storm off. He thought of him nothing more than a blubbering baby and child who was overreacting.. Castiel was in a sour mood till the dismissal bell rang. He was walking out in the parking lot when a girl walked up to him. She had long brown hair that curled near the ends, and a smirk was over her face. Castiel thought she was pretty.

"Hey there."

"Hey."

She smiled, "What's your name? I'm Meg."

"Castiel."

Meg grinned even wider, "Hey Cassie, wanna come hang out with the girls and I tonight- we're having a little party and we thought you might be interested."

"I don't know..." Castiel thought for a moment, "I have to see if I'll have time."

They exchanged phone numbers, a smile so wide on Castiel's face his cheeks hurt. Suddenly, a black car appeared before him with engine revving. Inside was Dean Winchester. Castiel tried ignoring him, the car riding slowly beside him as he walked along.

"Cas!" Dean whined, "Come on, we've got a project to do!"

"I am aware."

"Then let's get to it!"

Castiel sighed. It would be wiser to go ahead and get the assignment with Dean out of the way, "Alright- fine."

He got into the car, unsure of what year and model it was. It was at least a classic, Castiel knew that much. Dean pressed his foot to the pedal and they were off. Castiel tried sitting beside him silently, glancing at him every now and then.

"Let's do twenty questions." Dean blurted.

"Alright."

Dean thought for a moment, "What's your favorite food?"

"Umm-" Castiel looked away towards the dash, "I think it would have to be burgers."

Dean nodded in approval, "Good, now shoot."

He tried conjuring a question, "Who's your favorite band?"

"Too many to tell you and count- but most of all bands like AC/DC and Metallica."

Castiel liked them well enough, "I enjoy a few of their songs."

"Let's see- are you in a relationship?"

"No, but I might be."

"Alright, with who?" Dean gripped the steering wheel harder.

Castiel smiled smugly, "Meg Masters. We exchanged phone numbers before you pleaded for me to join you."

"I didn't _plead_."

Castiel chuckled, "More along the lines of whined."

Dean pouted and stopped glancing at Castiel, "Thank you for viewing me as a two-year-old..."

"Don't act like one then."

The questions stopped after that, Castiel realized. It seemed Dean was no longer in the mood to play, which was fine because Castiel thought it pointless. Why get to know Dean when he barely cared enough to? It wasn't until they pulled up to the roadhouse that Castiel decided to speak.

"Why are we here?"

"I want a drink," Dean stepped out of the car, "You comin' or not? That project isn't finishing itself."

Castiel felt uneasy stepping into a bar. Even if he was the legal age Castiel would feel awkward here- considering he never planned to drink. Dean got them a booth in the corner, sitting down and ordering himself a beer and Castiel asking for water. Dean rolled his eyes at that, watching as Castiel fidgeted in his seat.

"Something wrong, Cas?"

"I just- don't frequent bars..."

Dean scoffed, "This isn't a bar, it's a roadhouse. There's a difference."

The beer was delivered, the tender not even checking Dean's ID which Castiel thought odd. He didn't say anything however, as he listened to Dean pop the top off and slurp some down. Castiel just sipped his water awkwardly.

"Alright, now onto the project-"

"Not yet Cas, we have things to do first."

Castiel tilted his head, "We came here to figure out the project- I don't understand what else you're implying."

"Monday's karaoke time, dammit."

Castiel gave Dean a look, one that was basically giving the words he was saying, "Are you kidding me?"

"Not a bit," Dean took a swig of beer, "come on Cas! Live a little! You have one life- make the most of it!"

"I'm trying, but you aren't letting me work on the assignment we have to do."

Dean took a breath of frustration, "Dude, do you ever unwind? I mean- seriously... I think I would've given up if I were you by now."

Castiel took a sip of water, "But you're not, that's the point. I push myself because I have to."

"But you didn't say want to."

"Does it matter?"

Dean nodded, "It does in fact- Cas, you have to do what you want in life. Not some little dream your parents placed in your head to make them sleep better at night. If you spend your days trying to please others rather than yourself, they aren't going to be worth much in the end."

He gaped at him, "Not worth much? All my hard work is going to get me into Clarence and get me a high end job in life! It's going to make me happy!"

"Is it?" Dean looked a little concerned, "Cas, expecting life to go and make you happy is probably the dumbest thing to do- even for you. You have to take some things into your own hands. Happiness is one of those things."

"You really can't be talking. For all I've seen and heard you do, I can tell all you care about is yourself."

Dean's eyes narrowed, his grip on the bottle tightening, "What makes you think you can judge me on the day we meet? You don't know half of what's going the fuck on- so don't try and make clues from your implied subtext or meticulous observations."

"Nice vocabulary use there. Is there a dictionary open under the table?"

He downed the rest of the bottle, brows furrowed and face reddening, "I'm smarter than you think. I just chose not to be. I can take a look at life and really see what's worth my time and effort- and for that you are ignorant, Cas. You only see money and success when you're missing out on all the important stuff. Money doesn't matter, jobs don't matter. In ten years a penny may not even be worth a cent and a position may not even exist anymore. So don't give me your 'I have to do best in life' bullshit because I already know everything there is with that subject. In the end- nothing matters."

Castiel was taken aback, not only by the acidic tone Dean's voice had acquired, but the fact his green eyes were unflinching and glaring at him. He seemed dead fixed on his facts and points, his gaze never even moving as Castiel fidgeted in his seat again.

"Are we done now?"

Dean just looked towards his empty bottle, his lungs exhaling and shoulders finally slack, "I dunno... Are you?"

Castiel eyed his glass of water, beads dripping down the sides and collecting on the wood of the table, "If you want another drink you can have one..."

"Cas I-" Dean looked towards the wall, his teeth digging down on top of his lip, "look I'm an idiot and I'm sorry-"

"Don't be."

Dean looked surprised this time, "Why not? I was being a dick."

Castiel played with his straw, "I was being one too... I'm sorry I was so quick to judge you and call you ignorant and stupid- especially when it's obvious to me now you aren't."

"Obvious?"

"It seems you understand things a little better than I do. Sure, I've got smarts for textbooks and school- but when it comes to things like common sense or feelings I kind of fall short."

Dean got a new beer from the tender, taking a few sips, "Emotions?"

He nodded, looking awkwardly at the floorboards, "Yeah... I guess whenever I'm in school facts come easier to me because they are set in stone. No matter what you do some things can never change- you know? Like that gravity keeps us on the ground or light is the fastest thing in the universe. I guess emotions are harder to grasp because they're fluid more than half the time. Usually they only last a few fleeting moments and they're gone, or they all tangle up in a heap or something..."

"So you have trouble with them- and I don't?"

"I'm not saying you're a professional at dealing with them. More along the lines of better tuned for it. You take them in stride while I fumble and fall."

Dean smiled, "Thanks for the complement, Cas."

"It was the truth..." he sipped at his water, "But you're welcome- I guess..."

Castiel waited until Dean was done with his second beer, sitting in silence and staring unsurely at his cup of water. Slowly, the ice was melting and the water was warming up- even then Castiel didn't order another. Dean finished the bottle with a breath of finality. He looked towards Castiel with an expression of: Are you going first or is it going to be me?

"What?" Castiel asked, shifting in his seat and averting his eyes, "Stop staring at me like that unless you have a reason to."

"Fair enough. Let's resume twenty questions."

Castiel gave in, "It's my turn if I remember correctly... Umm- have you ever had a pet?"

Dean nodded, going ahead and taking a straw from the table and drinking out of Castiel's water, "I had a dog once- a retriever. His name was Goldie."

"Ironic and suiting."

"What's your favorite smells?"

He tilted his head back, surprised at the question, "I've never heard that one before but I guess I have several."

"Go on."

Castiel sighed, "I think it would have to be the smell of smoke and old books. I just really like them and have no idea why..."

He looked up to see Dean smiling at him, "Smoke's a pretty good one. Especially from bon fires or somethin'. Old books are pretty cool too."

"Thanks. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" Dean's eyebrows shot up, "Are you asking if I'm in a relationship?"

"Obviously."

Dean chuckled, eyes alight, "No, I'm not. Afraid I don't have much time for girls."

Castiel swallowed awkwardly, "What about- ... guys?"

"Two in a row is against the rules, Cas."

"It's still pertained to the same question- it's fair game."

Dean rolled his eyes playfully, but gave in, "I suppose I might swing both ways."

He looked at Castiel, smiling and white teeth showing, Castiel took a breath and spoke, "But you don't want a relationship?"

"You already bent a rule for yourself, Cas- ask it next round. What's your style of clothing mostly like?"

"Plain t-shirts and jeans."

Dean tilted his head, "No graphic tees, nothing band related, nothing funny? All plain?"

Castiel nodded, "Yea- so?"

"Seems kind of generic."

"It isn't- anyways, you don't want a relationship?"

He sipped his beer as Castiel watched him, "Not entirely. More of I can't."

"Why can't you?"

Dean stiffened, "You already asked a question Cas..."

Castiel just nodded, looking towards his empty glass. His fingers rubbed the sides and he didn't raise his eyes. Even as Dean cleared his throat awkwardly and shifted in his seat. Money was set on the table, and the chair in front of Castiel was pushed back.

"Come on Cas, we're leaving."

Castiel got up, hands in his pockets and sighing, he waited until he was outside of the roadhouse, "If I offended you or something- I'm sorry."

"You didn't." Dean said, opening the door to his car, "You were just curious. They did say curiosity killed the cat."

"Yeah..." Castiel got into the car, the engine starting.

Dean pulled out of the roadhouse parking lot, eyes set on the road as Castiel remained silent beside him. The car just went down the road, Dean sometimes glancing at Castiel from the side, Castiel doing the same. The radio was playing_ Mad World_ faintly. Castiel watched as Dean turned it up a bit.

The only talking Castiel and Dean did after that was Castiel giving his address, the car stopping in front of his yard. Dean only said goodbye with Castiel stepping out of the car. When inside, Castiel sighed, and he threw himself on his mattress.

The whole thing with Dean hadn't gone to plan. Not only did he embarrassed himself, Castiel feel as though he really pushed Dean. Sure, it wasn't the best of conditions to forge a connection between anybody, but Castiel should have been more thoughtful. He also completely forgot about the project.

Castiel's phone rang, and he answered it, pressing it to his ear, "Hello?"

"_Where did you go? _" Gabe asked, his mouth full of something.

"Oh- I had gone to start my chemistry project with my partner."

Gabe swallowed, "_Oh cool, who's your partner? _"

"Dean Winchester."

Gabe choked on the line, Castiel chuckled, "_Dude, have you heard about him? _"

Castiel furrowed his brow, "No I haven't until today. Why?"

"_I heard he doesn't really even try anymore, he just sits there and looks at everyone like they're stupid for working. Apparently teachers let him get away with it- I have no idea why..._"

"Well, that's the school system for you."

Gabe made a noise of agreement, "_Exactly, just make sure he doesn't fuck you up, okay? _"

"I won't," Castiel sighed, "we just hung out I guess."

"_You- with Winchester? I guess the world's gonna end now_."

Castiel was surprised, "What's wrong with that? We're just lab partners."

He heard a scoff on the other line, "_Earth to Cassie here! Dude, Dean's bad news! He's only to drag you down and bam! Goodbye Clarence! _"

"That's not going to happen, Gabriel. More than anything Dean will be the one to suffer, I'm sure Singer will understand he's useless at doing work."

"_Let's hope so,_" Gabriel sighed, "_I'm not letting you throw away Clarence over a douche like that._"

Castiel bristled a little, "I don't think anyone will- besides Dean's not a douche. He's just doing what he wants, and apparently that means doing nothing in class. I'll make him pull his weight if I have to, don't worry."

It was another hour before Castiel hung up the phone, Gabriel saying goodbye and returning to his homework. He opened up his book, working on his assignments when there was a knocking on his window. Castiel was gaping when he saw Dean hanging in a tree smiling. Castiel opened his window, looking down from the second story to the ground.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"I forgot about the project- seems you did too."

Castiel stiffened, "Get your ass in here before you fall and die!"

Dean just smiled, no actual happiness within it, "Well let me in then, smartass."

Castiel moved from the window, Dean jumping in and taking in Castiel's room. It wasn't much, after all. There were some posters from TV shows Castiel used to watch as a kid littering his walls, recent photos of himself and friends plastered all around them. Dean seemed to like them, going around and viewing them individually.

"What's this?"

Dean pointed to a photo of when Castiel was in second grade, and angel costume on and looking towards the camera with a smile on his face, "Oh that- it was a play I was in. I was one of the main angels in it."

"Never knew you'd be into plays and angels, can't say I'm completely surprised."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Dean shrugged, continuing on with the photos, "Nothing. Angel suits you."

Castiel just sat on his bed, watching as Dean made his way around the pictures and finished. He just stopped in the room, looking towards Castiel when he was done absorbing. A large grin appeared on Dean's face. He walked over to the bed and sat down beside Castiel.

"So..." Dean had his hands in his pockets, looking towards the floor and biting his lip, "About earlier-"

"I'm sorry."

Dean looked up, "Cas, I already told you you don't have to apologize, it's fine."

Castiel sighed, "I pushed somewhere I wasn't meant to wander, Dean. I just should have left it alone, but I didn't. I just want you to know I regret it and it's okay if you-"

"Cas..." Dean eyed him, the green irises softening, "It's all fine. Stop worrying about it, no harm no foul."

"You sure?"

Dean nodded, "Completely."

He chuckled as Castiel sighed in relief, "Okay- good."

The two talked for a while. In the end of their time together, Castiel had Dean's head in his lap as they discussed anything that came to mind. He learned Dean's car was '67 Impala, that Dean had a brother who he called Sammy, and so many other things Castiel was just adding onto the list. Dean seemed to notice the darkening sky outside, he got up and smiled at Castiel.

"I've gotta go. See you in class tomorrow."

"Bye."

"Seeya."

Castiel watched as Dean climbed out of his window, getting back into the tree and running down to his car. Sometimes he'd glance back to see Castiel watching and he'd smile. It wasn't until the sound of the engine was gone that Castiel left his window. He flopped down onto his mattress and sighed.

They still forgot about the project.


	2. Chapter 2

****Author's Note: _**

**Another chapter! I'm so proud of myself!**

**I'm hoping the next one will be longer.**

**Plus- if you guys are wondering why I went ahead and rated it M was because of a certain act that shall be performed later on in some chapters- no idea when. So at least you know.**

**ENJOY!~**

* * *

Castiel pushed through the water, head bobbing up and down and taking deep breaths. The cold was waking him up, drowning out his thoughts. He kicked off the wall, propelling through the water and his arms stretching.

He was trying to ignore all these voices in his head if he were to be honest. Dean had brought a new light to what Castiel actually wanted- and when he did so, it left him reeling. All of these hidden doubts appeared in Castiel's mind and he was unsure how to deal with them because he never had to before. He just dove deeper into the water after a deep breath.

Castiel went to the bottom, flipping over for his back to face the bottom of the pool and began looking towards the surface. He supposed it kind of represented how he felt, like how he was drowning or beneath all of these expectations and pressures. Dean showed that to Castiel, and he was getting overwhelmed by it. The light came down in little shafts, moving with the slight wave motion of the pool water. Castiel wished he didn't need oxygen so he'd never have to leave.

The air was cold when Castiel got out, using his towel and drying himself off, nothing but a towel now wrapped around his waist. He was at the school pool, so he'd have to hurry before any teachers came around to see him in nothing but this. He was walking out of the door when he bumped into someone.

"Hey-"

Castiel recognized the voice immediately, "Dean?"

He swallowed nervously beside Castiel, "Uhh, I wasn't expecting to see you in… this."

Castiel looked away, ignoring Dean's bit lip and the feeling of the two green eyes staring into his skin, "Well I just got done swimming- you expect me to be dry instantly?"

"That would be awesome if you could do that, like a weird superhero or something."

Castiel chuckled, "Thank you for the idea. Either way I have to get into something other than this towel."

"I'll wait outside the locker while you change, then…"

Castiel nodded.

The pair walked silently beside each other to the locker room, both stealing small glances at the other, sometimes their eyes meeting awkwardly. Castiel thought the tension was so thick you could probably cut it with a knife.

Castiel went inside and got dressed, hearing Dean his head on the wall outside. He pulled his shirt over his head and walked out of the locker room. Dean smiled, his arms behind his head as he stopped in front of him.

"Okay, why were you here in the first place?"

"Believe it or not I come here early for one reason and one reason alone at this ungodly hour."

Castiel tilts his head, "And that is?"

Dean smirked, beckoning Castiel to join and follow him. Castiel did, eyeing him suspiciously as Dean first entered the library, the lights still off as he ran ahead of him and started to yell at the top of his lungs.

"Dean! We can get caught!"

"So!"

Castiel was at his side, eyeing Dean as if he just set one of the books on fire and placing it back on the shelf, "Dean- we can't be doing this it isn't-"

"Allowed?" Dean chuckled as they jogged, "As long as no one's here what they don't know won't hurt 'em."

"But Dean-"

He rolled his eyes, "Oh calm down Cas! Nobody's here to see- just let go and enjoy it!"

Castiel sighed, giving up and jogging alongside Dean in the library. Next thing he knew they were racing through the library at a full on sprint. The next minute they were tackling on each other on the floor and laughing. Castiel wound up on bottom with Dean smirking.

"Easy there tiger." Dean chuckled.

"I think you're missing the point of this," Castiel slid his legs underneath Dean's knees, knocking him over and flipping himself so he was on top, "You're not supposed to underestimate the enemy."

Dean laughed, "So we're at war now?"

Castiel smiled, "I guess a weird version of it- yes."

Dean looked at Castiel, eyes half-lidded and a smile on his face so wide Castiel was sure his cheeks were aching. He blushed, getting off of Dean after noticing he was straddling him. Castiel brushed himself off awkwardly as Dean got up.

"Alright, one more thing in here and then we're going to phase two."

"Phase two?"

Dean chuckled, "We aren't done yet, Cas."

He watched as Dean moved some of the books aside on the shelves, "What are you doing?"

"I need you to go to the other side."

"Alright…" Castiel complied, leaning down to Dean's eye level and looking at him through the empty space of the bookshelf, "What is this for?"

Dean smiled, "I've always wanted to have a conversation like this- because I saw it in a movie once when I was a kid. Been dyin' to do it ever since."

"So you're working on a bucket list, then?"

He watched as Dean's eyes softened a bit, voice growing a little quieter, "I suppose you can say I'm finishing it."

"Oh…"

The two left the library then, going to one of the teacher's rooms. Castiel watched as Dean ran forward, grabbing a marker and starting to draw on the board.

"Dean!"

He looked back, green eyes alight with excitement, "Come on Cas! Come up here and draw!"

"But-"

"No denying this- just do it. It's just drawing, no harm done."

Castiel gave in, going forward and grabbing a marker, "Fine… What am I supposed to be drawing exactly, Dean?"

"Draw me."

"You?"

Dean rolled his eyes playfully, "And not like a french girl- no, just doodle me Cas. I'm already working on you."

Castiel looked over, seeing a face being sketched out. Dean could apparently draw going by how he was starting. Castiel blinked, seeing how Dean worked on his eyes.

"You never told me you could draw."

"You never asked and the topic never came up."

Castiel bit his lip, "I really don't know you well do I?"

Dean stopped then, looking over at Castiel with his brows furrowed, "Now what makes you say that?"

"It's just-" he swallowed, "I never had the intent on getting to know you, Dean. I was just going to do chemistry work with you and be done with it. I never expected to be sprinting through libraries or for you to crawl up into my room from my tree. I never expected any of- this."

Dean turned a little towards Castiel, "This? You mean all of it? I guess I can't really say much either. I heard about you before we became lab partners, but I was unsure how we were going to work together. I mean come on- a popular all-star kid like you should have nothing to do with a deadbeat like me."

"You _aren't _ a deadbeat…"

"Then what am I, exactly?"

Castiel bit his lip, eyes avoiding Dean entirely, "I think you're you, Dean. I expected you to be a complete assbutt when we first started talking with each other, in fact- I really despised you if we're being honest. You called me out on stuff I actually wanted in life rather than what I was expected to do. That's never happened to me before, ever. No one's ever asked what I wanted till I met you."

Dean smiled slightly, eyes softening, "Thanks dude. I thought you were going to be a complete stick-up-their-ass guy, going from the multiple rumors of you're swimming and class records. I mean- seriously dude, sixth in the country? I was believing you were going to completely ignore me and blow me off like everyone else."

"Everyone else?"

"Contrary to your belief," Dean started, voice growing a little shaky, "I don't have many people in my life. My mom died when I was little in a car accident, and my brother Sammy is really all I got left. My dad became an alcoholic after Mary was killed, so I had to raise myself and my brother. I guess that's why I get so upset when people say I'm an _irresponsible dirtbag_. I had to grow up because there was no one else for either of us to look up to and be guided by. So, in turn I think that's why I decided once I no longer had to really be my mom and dad to Sammy and myself, that I would start doing whatever I damn well pleased."

Castiel swallowed, "Dean I- I'm so sorry about all of that. I can't imagine what it must have been like, let alone felt. Most people assume that I have the good life- which I guess is a reasonable assumption. But just like you I had to grow up way too fast. My parents made me into a kid who was thinking about college and all of the pressures in life when all they should be worrying about was getting skinned knees. Most of my years have been getting swallowed up in their expectations and drowning in them. No one's ever really asked me if I wanted to go to Franklin, because it was a dream I was fed since I was little by my parents. I never thought about my preferences until you asked me about them- I never even debated if Franklin was really the direction I wanted to be going in. Ever since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about what I truly want from life."

"That's a good thing."

Castiel sighed, "I guess it is, because I realized something."

Dean tilted his head in confusion, eyebrows furrowing, "What?"

"I don't want to go to Franklin. I don't really care about it, or swimming, or all these advanced classes. I fooled myself for years that this was the right path for me, but since you brought light to my own opinions I realized that I'm honestly lost."

"Then the real problem is learning how to get back, then, and start heading towards whatever you actually want to do."

Castiel looked at Dean, "What do you plan on doing after high school?"

The question surprised Dean, his green eyes widening and Castiel could hear his breath quicken, "I honestly haven't given it that much thought."

"Why not?"

"Because…" Dean stammered, "I- I never had the reason to."

He just returned to drawing Castiel. Castiel thought that meant to just drop the subject, so he just gave up and began to doodle Dean. By the end, there was two drawings on the board. Castiel looked realistic, his face shaded and his eyes colored in perfectly. Dean had done a good job of drawing him, and Castiel was speechless.

"I don't think mine is that good…" Castiel admitted sheepishly.

Dean looked over to the doodle, "I like it personally. It just reminds me of you in a weird way."

The little stick figure had a leather jacket on, it's lines of hair spiked just like Dean's. The collar was even popped, and he had little green dots for eyes. In fact, Dean started smiling as Castiel blushed.

The two just walked off, their drawings still on the board.

Castiel sat in his bed, waiting for Dean to show up. His phone vibrated on the bedside table.

"Hello?"

"_You never texted or called me Cassie, I'm disappointed…_"

Castiel tilted his head, "Meg?"

She laughed, "_Well- at least you remembered my name. Do you have plans this weekend? _"

"I think I might."

"_Better hurry and figure out if you do or don't. If you're open- just give me a call and we can rearrange that._" She hung up.

Cas swallowed, sending Gabriel a text, "Dude, Meg Masters is demanding."

"_Yea I know. She tried getting with half the guys last year. Kind of a hoe._"

"That's good for her."

Castiel heard Dean snicker from his open window, "You look so funny texting- like you've never done it before."

"I'm used to using phones."

Dean rolled his eyes playfully, "It's a joke Cas, lighten up or stop killin' them."

Castiel just furrowed his brow, letting Dean sit beside him on the bed. The conversation from earlier never really left Castiel's mind, and he was unsure if it was okay to push the subject again or not. At the last second, he decided against it.

"You're thinking about earlier aren't you?"

The question made Castiel's head pop up, "About the whole after college thing?"

Dean nodded.

"I am- honestly. If you don't want to tell me it's fine."

"No," Dean looked up at the ceiling, hands in his pockets, "I'm going to… You see, I never really gave college much of a thought because I don't have to."

"You already have plans?" Castiel was surprised.

Dean shook his head, "No, more of I don't have the time."

Castiel propped himself up on his elbows, "But you can make time, Dean. There are online schools and I'm sure you can find one with a bendable-"

"It's not that Cas…"

"Then what is it?"

Dean closed his eyes, "I've got one life to live right? I'm mortal, so I think I should use all the time I have left on this Earth on me rather than a degree."

"But you aren't dying. Are you?"

Dean chuckled, "You're dying too you know. Every day that passes is one less you have in the end. We're mortal Cas, we just make ourselves believe otherwise or we forget. In all honesty, we're both dying. Life always has a terminal illness- time."

"I never thought of it like that…"

"That's because you refused to. In the end, we're all going to die, and life goes on. However depressing it may be to you, it's how it happens. Always will be."

Castiel swallowed, "Dean- are you… _depressed? _"

The question made the man beside him open his eyes, green void of a wall. Castiel could see the fear and all the questions in Dean's mind, and it scared him as Dean spoke, "I have all the reasons in the world to be."

"Dean…"

"Don't bother Cas," Dean broke off the eye contact, turning his cold stare towards the plaster above them, "I don't want some lecture on finding happiness in life or getting better. Nothing is going to change what's happening- no matter how much you try to make the best come out of it."

In seconds, Dean was already at the window, jumping into the tree and Castiel running after him. He kept calling his name even as the black Impala below sped off. Castiel slumped against the windowsill.

"I'm such an asshole!" He hissed at himself.

He threw himself on his bed, the world still somehow spinning. He thought about what had overcome him to ask Dean such a thing. He deserved to feel this way because he probably just pried open a part of Dean's life he never wanted to be unlocked. The palms of his hands clamped over his eyes as he bit his lower lip.

For a straight A student Castiel could sometimes be the biggest_ idiot _ in existence- he was sure of that.


	3. Chapter 3

****Author's Note: _**

_**WARNING. THERE IS SEXUAL CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER**__**. CONGRATS IF THIS WAS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. PLUS FEELS.**_

**Anyways, this chapter was a bitch to write and I literally had to restart it/revise it at least 5 times- even now I'm not sure I liked how it turned out. Nonetheless, it is uploaded and on here- so I can deal and be happy I updated this fic.**

**Considering school is trying to overtake me but I'm somehow managing- and my mind keeps coming up with six fic ideas a damn day. It's insane.**

**Anways, ENJOY!~ **

* * *

Castiel lay in the vague morning light, his arms stretching before him. The whole incident with Dean was still fresh in his mind, alongside the guilt and regret for letting it happen. His arms went over his head and he curled up under the blankets. Castiel really needed to fix things.

Dean was apparently depressed, and Castiel had to do something about it- he needed to. Dean was quickly becoming one of his best friends in life, and to know he was going through all this pain made him want to rush to stop it. He got up, going to his laptop and searching up ways to treat depression.

"Fuck…" He whispered to himself.

All before him were mental hospitals and websites leading to diagnosis. Castiel was sure Dean didn't want to be put in a facility- besides, Castiel didn't want him in one either. Instead, he looked at ways to help ease depression.

"Cas, what are you looking at?"

Castiel jumped in his chair, Dean's voice scaring him, "Oh!"

"I already saw, Cas… It's pointless to go ahead and lie to hide it… Just say it. Say that I'm fucked up."

"Dean-" Castiel looked to see his friend on the edge of his mattress, head towards the floor and fingers gripping onto the strings of his hood till they were white, "you're not fucked up to me. I don't think you're a freak or any of that bullshit. I want to help you, figure out how in the hell to fix whatever you're going through. Dean, I want to be there for you- okay?"

Dean chuckled coldly, "That's reassuring."

"Dean… Can we go somewhere?"

His brow raised in confusion, green eyes darting, "Go somewhere? Never thought I'd hear you say that…"

"Please."

Dean sighs then, hands burrowing in his pockets, "Fine… Where to?"

Castiel smiles slightly, climbing out of his window, earning him a gape from Dean, "Just get in the car and listen to my directions."

Castiel somehow didn't manage falling out of the tree, making it to the ground safely and into the car. Dean was driving now, still brooding over the fact Castiel had used his tree to get out of the house. He took one last left at Castiel's direction, pulling into a small dirt parking lot. Castiel sighed, overlooking the all too familiar water of the town's lake.

"Why are we here?"

"I told you how to get here because I want you to know that I've been at my lowest too in life."

Dean turned, the black leather sighing, "Cas, what are you about to-"

Cas smiled sadly, "I'm about to tell you how I almost died once."

Dean remained silent, green eyes widening at Castiel.

"This lake here, I almost drowned in it. I was little, and my mom and dad were trying to get my fastest time. I was tired, I wanted to go home. They didn't listen to me when I said I wanted to get out of the water. 'Work through it' they said, 'it's just your mind holding you back'. They weren't expecting for me to get so exhausted my arms and legs seized up in the water. My parents were screaming, and I could hear their muffled voices as I sunk. Thing is, I wanted to die then…"

"Cas-"

Castiel gave a look towards Dean, eyes pleading, "Dean, it's okay… I didn't want to get out, it was peaceful. I no longer had to worry about anything- it was all fine. There wasn't any push for college, there wasn't any expectations. Quiet. That and the blue of the water and the world rippling above me. I wanted to stay there… Afterwards, I woke up in the hospital, and my parents seemed so relieved I was alive. The fucked up thing is it only took them a year to try and get me back into swimming."

Dean gripped the steering wheel tighter, "Fuck them, Cas. Why can't they get their head out of their asses and see how amazing you are? How brilliant you can be, or that you don't need all these damn advanced classes and swimming record to show that?"

"Dean, what are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that-" Dean paused for a second, "I'm saying that you deserve better, Cas. You always have. Better than Franklin, better parents, a better friend…"

Castiel furrowed his brows, "But Gabriel is fine, he and I-"

Dean sighed, a chuckle brimming his voice despite the situation and topic, "I meant me, Cas."

"Oh."

"Anyways," Dean continued, "Cas, you've been stuck inside someone else's wants in life. You deserve to be happy- to do what you want."

Castiel twiddled his thumbs, "Can I be honest, Dean?"

"Always."

Castiel swallowed, "I want to become a musician. I want to learn how to play all sorts of songs on the piano and I want to go to London- or Paris- Venice! Maybe even Canada or something. I don't know, the world's full of opportunities right?"

Dean smirked, "It always is."

"Well I want to start doing what I want now. No more swimming, or Franklin- fuck them!"

"That's the spirit!"

Castiel laughed, "I can finally have a voice of my own- and opinions and preferences!"

Dean smiled, "What kinds have been trapped inside that little mind of yours?"

"I want to have a bonfire on the side of this lake- with s'mores and the whole nine yards."

"Alright," Dean put the Impala in reverse, "off to the store then."

Castiel blinked, "You mean we're actually doing this?"

"Of course!"

He watched as the truest and largest smile appeared on Castiel's face, "Thank you, Dean."

Dean returned it, "You're welcome, Cas."

The two came back from the store, marshmallows and chocolate in the trunk of the Impala. The bonfire was getting set up by Dean, Castiel nearby watching him and the small lapping of the waves of the lake. It was nice. Slowly, the sun went down and the sound of crickets surrounded the two, the crackling of the bonfire lighting the night. Their marshmallows slowly browning by the flames.

"I've never done this."

Dean looked up, bits of flame in the green of his eyes, "Had a bonfire?"

Castiel smiled, "Yeah… I've always wanted to have one but my parents said no- of course. You know, I need to thank you for making realize what a horrible life I was giving to myself."

"It wasn't all too bad- really. Out of all the things your parents forced you into Franklin was a better option than some. I should know."

"How is Sammy?" Castiel blurted.

Dean smiled, "He's doing fine. He's planning on going to Stamford, you know. Boy's got a good head on his shoulders, so I know he can do it. Shame I won't get to see it."

Castiel tilted his head, "Why?"

"Because…" Dean went quiet after that.

"Dean?"

After his voice went quiet, Dean looked at the fire. His eyes were softened and Castiel saw behind their veil again. In all the time since he knew Dean Winchester, he never thought he could see him so vulnerable- so broken. Castiel moved beside him, placing his hand on his shoulders and tried his best to sound comforting.

"Dean, what's wrong?"

"Do you care about me? Like- at all?"

Castiel paused, confused at the question appearing before him, "Yes, I do. Why?"

The next thing Cas knew Dean's lips were pressed against his. The squeak that came from his chest was soon drowned out by the feeling of the soft flesh pushing against his mouth. Dean pulled away, looking towards the fire and stiffening. Castiel couldn't speak- he couldn't even think.

"You can leave now or punch me if you want-" Dean's voice was shaky, "I understand."

"Dean… I-"

Dean just kept his head down, "I'm sorry."

With that, Dean jumped off of the beach getting into the Impala and speeding off. Castiel just remained by the fire, watching and staying silent the whole time. He'd let Dean leave without fuss just this once, because it was obvious that Dean had just gone too far in his mind. Castiel wanted to tell him it was alright, that he wasn't mad. In fact, he was just surprised. He hadn't been expecting the touch of Dean's mouth at all- and the shock ripped all of the words he knew away. Sentences couldn't form, and if they did they weren't right.

Castiel just sighed, putting out the fire and walking home. The night was chilly considering it was now mid-August instead of late July. The stars dotted above him as he made his way slowly home. When Castiel climbed up his tree into his room, he flopped onto the bed and passed out immediately.

…

Dean was nowhere to found for five days, Castiel kept count. With each passing minute, his worry only grew with the thought he'd never see or talk to Dean again. He found Dean in his thoughts constantly, he saw Dean out of the corner of his eye, and most of all he felt the phantom contact of Dean's lips on his. Castiel found himself missing him, his green eyes and remarks, the leather jacket and midnight-black Impala.

Gabriel had been confused as to why Castiel had dropped swimming and changed some of his classes- actually, more along the lines of furious. It had been a hour tirade full of curses and too little breaths in Castiel's abused ear. After it was over, Gabriel had abruptly hung up on him, only to text a few hours later saying he was sorry but still pissed. Castiel didn't argue.

In fact, he just sat most of his time in his room with his parents calling up to him every ten minutes. They were just as angry as Gabriel was when they found out Castiel quit swimming and dropped most of his dual enrollment classes. Except, they made a longer fuss about it- which Castiel ignored. If it got too overbearing, he'd just run out of the house or climb down his tree and run to the lake.

It was now a past-time for him, sitting and watching the roll of the water and hearing the buzz of thoughts in his head. Life had gotten so much different within the past month that he didn't know how to deal with it- or Dean. There were several parts of him that felt different towards him.

One felt as though Dean had betrayed him. To just kiss him and run off like it had been Castiel that had done it, then disappear for days on end was hurtful. It made him so upset sometimes he was on the brink of tears and he was throwing rocks into the water with all the force his arm could muster. That lasted for the first day.

The second, was anger. What right did Dean have to just bring his lips to Castiel's? What entity or force in the universe said it was okay for him to just drive off? To make him walk home all alone like he was the one who'd gotten rejected? He just seethed for a few hours before it left him.

The third, and final feeling that Castiel had, was unfamiliar. He felt as though Dean should be by his side and talking to him, that they should have more bonfires at night and s'mores, more runs in the library and stops at roadhouses. That's at least how it started. The thoughts then migrated to wanting lips and arms wrapped around him that only belonged to Dean Winchester, then to early mornings under soft fluffy blankets curled up against him in the faint light. The Impala sitting outside Castiel's house, or Dean's leather jacket on his shoulders when he got cold in the winter. All of it made his heart ache and wish for Dean.

Then, his five day wait was up.

He was in his room, parents banging on the door while he stared blankly at the ceiling- when a small tap at his window made him raise his head. Castiel walked slowly over, hoping his ears and mind aren't tricking him to make his heart feel better. Instead, down below was Dean, watching Castiel with those green eyes that he'd missed so profusely. Anger boiled up inside him.

"What the fuck do you want?" Castiel spat.

He wasn't going to let Dean off the hook, yet.

"I want to say I'm sorry."

Castiel scoffed, "Damn right you do! For what, kissing me out of nowhere and driving off without me? Sorry about making me walk home barefoot because my shoes were in your car? I had huge blisters for three days you asshole!"

Dean just looked towards the ground, "I know… I am an asshole, even more honestly. I deserve every title or insult you give me for doing all of that- but could you please, even though I'm more in debt to you and shouldn't be asking this, come down here and just get in the car?"

"Why?" Castiel hissed, "So you can just do that all over again? To make my mind think itself to death? No thanks."

He looked away, biting his lip. Castiel was beginning to shut his window when Dean stopped him, apparently climbing up the tree while Castiel looked away, "Cas, please."

"Dean, get out of my window."

"Will you come, please?" his eyes were pleading, "I fucked up, I know- I really do- and if you think you're pissed at me you don't want to know how livid I am at myself- please at least let me try to make it right."

Castiel stopped, "Fine."

The car ride was silent and completely uncomfortable. Castiel was still fuming in the passenger seat, but his anger was slowly becoming relief- he wasn't going to tell Dean that. The Impala pulled up to the lake again, and Castiel stiffened. Dean noticed, trying to clear his throat and start speaking. He just kept closing it and eyeing the irritated man beside him who was glaring.

"Are you going to say a damn thing or not?"

"I just-" Dean sighed, "I'm fucking stupid, I really am. I shouldn't have kissed you, I shouldn't have run off and left you… I should have talked or accepted that you didn't want want to be with me or any of that-"

Castiel's anger deflated almost immediately, "What makes you think that?"

Dean gripped the steering wheel, glaring at the water, "Because what makes a guy like you interested in a guy like me? I don't have plans, I don't have time… I never even had the guts to admit to your face why I felt like the world was crashing around me. I was a dick, and I expected you to love me back…"

"You love me? ..."

"I have all the reasons in the world to be."

Castiel was wordless now. Dean just looked away towards the sky, "I understand if you hate me or if you never want to see me again. Even though it'll be one of the most painful things I'll ever endure in my short life. I love you, Cas. I have since we met. It's foolish of me to think that I could just win your heart with witty remarks and running through the library at four in the morning. But dammit Cas-"

He hit the steering wheel, making Castiel jump, "I'd rather burn in hell than live without you- or knowing that you at least know how much I care. I'm an asshole who's got no future, I don't deserve to be blessed with a person like you or be given a fucking miracle if you even feel the slightest mutually for me. I don't. This whole life thing, how we want to spend it- what I want to do is spend the rest of it with you."

Castiel could only blink, his heart beating in his ears, "Dean…"

"You don't have to say you care about me Cas- I completely understand if you don't. I treated you like shit, I'm expecting you to. Cas, I know that kissing you like that and disappearing wasn't the best thing to do- but I was so afraid of you rejecting me I left before you could say no. It's awful for me to do that, but Cas- you don't have to lie to make me feel better or something…"

"Dean… For the past five days I've been thinking. I thought about all those things you told me about choosing my own things in life and being happy over successful. I thought about how much I missed being able to wake up in the morning and not feel like I was getting crushed- if I ever did. Dean, you showed me that I was my own person- and in doing so… you made me fall in love with you."

Dean stopped, looking towards Castiel with wide eyes, "You l-love me?"

Castiel nodded, "After I got through all of the anger and confusion- yes, I do. I think it's time you repaid me for being gone for so long… You said you were going to fix it- so here's your chance to-"

Dean's lips were biting hungrily at Castiel's, teeth dragging against the surprised flesh. Castiel gasped, Dean's hands sliding from his sides to cup Castiel's face.

"Back of the Impala."

"Dean-"

Castiel was carried out of the car in seconds, only for the black leather to meet his back as Dean came over and straddled him. Green eyes raked hungrily over Castiel's exposed skin, trembling fingers tracing the outlines of his bones and taking the details into memory. Below, Castiel was wide-eyed and sure his pulse was reaching a dangerous limit.

Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's again, one hand coming around the back of his head and running through his black hair. The moan from the touch only encourage Dean's exploration. Soon, his hands were under Castiel's t-shirt and lingering over the abdominal muscles from all the years of swimming meets. Dean met Castiel's eyes and asking for confirmation.

"Yes."

It was all Dean needed, helping Castiel out of the constricting clothing and placing kisses all along his open neck. Castiel reeled below him, spine arching and hips jutting up and begging for friction as Dean's mouth sucked marks onto the pale skin- all alight with heat and slick with sweat that made him want more.

"Dean- please…" Castiel breathed out, the strain of lingering touches no longer enough to satisfy him or the coiling that was building.

Dean answered with his hands going past his navel and pressing his lips to the tender and sensitive skin. Castiel was gasping allowed, hands cascading through the dirty blonde locks that were positioned over his pelvis.

When Dean started with one finger, Castiel couldn't help but shudder. Not only was the sensation strange and unfamiliar to him- the shock of pleasure that surged through him was just as overpowering. His senses kept drowning most of the world out as Dean added another finger- and another.

The moment Castiel lost all of his train of thought was when Dean actually began to have sex with him. The jolts Castiel got made him twitch against the leather, moving up and down in perfect synchronization with Dean's thrusts and movements. The windows of the Impala were steamed up, their breaths heating their pulsing skin as they kept going forward.

Castiel almost screamed when his orgasm hit- his legs wrapping around Dean's lean back and fingers scratching thick red lines all the way down the sweated flesh. Dean followed soon after, his body vibrating and face in the crook of Castiel's neck as he finished.

The two were left for a moment, their bodies still humming and Castiel still seeing splotches of white in his vision. Dean looked up after a while, green eyes soft with emotions Castiel never got to see much- probably alongside with everyone else. His fingers ran along his jawline, his lips gently pressing against Castiel's as he slid out.

Dean and Castiel just laid there, ready to just forget the world inside the backseat of the Impala where everything was perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

****Author's Note: _**

**OH MY GOD. THE GOOGLE DRIVE APP ON MY iPod LET'S ME EDIT DOCUMENTS- WHILE I'M LOOKING AT THEM ON MY COMPUTER. I NOW HAVE ANOTHER (LIMITED BECAUSE OF WIFI) WAY OF WRITING/UPDATING. OMFG.**

**Anyways, sorry that this chapter is over 1,000 words but not over 2,000. Either way, updating has been a bitch because of school and literally getting writer's block like a motherfucker.**

**Either way, I MADE UP WITH SOME MORE SMUT. (By the way, I still have more plans for them to do it- one involving a pool. Be excited.)**

**ENJOY!~**

* * *

It was a week after the whole lake situation.

Castiel was in the Impala with Dean, humming to a song on the radio as Dean drove them to his house. Castiel was excited, more or so to finally see where Dean lived.

"What's the color of your bedroom walls?"

"You'll find out one way or another." Dean winked.

The Impala pulled into a driveway to a small house. Castiel found it to be charming, and was smiling as Dean let him in. The place had obviously been cleaned by the smell of lemon and bleach as Castiel slowly paced through the house. So far, it was just a normal little old house- until he got to Dean's room.

There were band posters all on the walls and pictures of certain muscle cars Castiel knew were expensive and rare. Papers and photos of Dean and Sam were splattered all over the walls, and in the corner was a bonsai tree. Castiel walked over, gingerly touching one of the branches before turning to Dean.

"You never told me you liked these."

"I originally didn't. It was my mom's, I took it in after she died. It's been in my possession ever since. Damn thing's about to turn fifty- can you believe that?"

Castiel smiled, something he was doing more often than not, "Really? I never imagined a tree this size would live so long."

Dean chuckled, "They can get well over fifty if they're treated just right. Weird isn't it? For a tree at such a size live longer than a person."

"Dean?"

They both turned around, startled at the voice from the doorway. The boy had his brown hair fluffed all over- he was growing it out by the looks of it. His eyes were a chocolate brown and on Dean currently. Castiel stood awkwardly and nodded to Dean when he asked if he could talk to his brother. It was a moment before anything happened.

"What do you mean am I going to tell him?" Dean hissed from outside.

Castiel's heart stopped for a moment, what was Dean whispering about. He tried to tune it out, but in doing so, the words only seemed to grow louder.

"Dean, you know you're going to have to- this isn't something you can hide forever!"

Castiel started walking over to the other side of the room. He knew that eavesdropping wasn't good for anybody- and it seemed that this new little conversation was proof. Worry and interest pecked at his stomach as he waited for Dean to re-enter the room after being done arguing with whatever Sam had brought up.

"Sorry about that…" Dean walked in, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "Sam is kind of a noisy brat at times."

"No, it's fine." Castiel stood awkwardly, trying to shut off the part of his brain reminding of the words just outside earlier.

Dean walks forward, grabbing the lapel of Castiel's plaid shirt and pressing his lips to the mouth before him. Even though they've done this several thousand times within the few days they've been official, Castiel never got used to it. Every time Dean's lips pressed to his, it was like their first kiss all over again. Castiel moaned, biting at the warm plumpness and leaning forward as hands snaked around his waistline.

It was a weird journey to the mattress, one that included stumbling towards the door with their lips still touching as Dean fumbled with the lock. One that ended with Castiel on top and Dean looking up at him with half-lidded eyes. It was the most erotic thing Castiel has probably ever saw.

"You're looking rather confident." Dean purred.

"Why, do I have a reason not to be?" Castiel leaned in, pressing kisses all along Dean's heated neck.

The chuckle vibrated against Castiel's lips, "Certainly not."

Dean arched his back into Castiel as the teeth nipped at his skin, hands and fingers roaming the flushed skin and clothes being thrown to the floor without hesitation. Castiel knew swimming made him lean, so as he slowly slipped his shirt over his shoulders and his head, Dean's eyes turning almost black at the muscles and tanned skin, Castiel was a little grateful that maybe his parents had pushed him back in the water. It seemed to pay off more as Castiel was able to be so flexible.

Dean ran his hands over Castiel's stomach, "Dude, I swear you looking like this is something I can get seriously used to."

"Me as well."

Dean was underneath him with pupils for his irises, his sculpted lips parted a little as he ran his hands over Castiel's body. The look in his eyes when he felt the muscles move as Castiel rocked his hips and the sensation it gave him. The look of utter pleasure- all in all, Dean was looking wrecked.

Castiel decided this suited him well.

Soon, there were no boxers, the sewn fabric landing right beside the other garments as Castiel readied himself. Dean's hands were on his hips, eyes looking into Castiel's with a hint of worry but mostly excitement. When Castiel finally got it right, they both gasped from the feeling of it all.

"Damn Cas, should've told me you were a natural at this." Dean's words were breathy and sparse in timing.

"You never asked and the topic never came up."

Dean chuckled despite both of their positions, "Of course you'd use my own words against me. I've taught you well."

Instead of responding with words, Castiel just rolled his hips and that was all it took before Dean shut up and starting making the right noises again. It also didn't take long to get themselves up to the edge.

Castiel felt the grip on his hips tighten as his orgasm started, the chemical rush surging through his body and tingling every nerve in the best possible way. Dean seemed to have the same reaction as Castiel, body bucking and holding onto Castiel if he were the only thing in the universe and Dean would fly away forever if there wasn't something holding them together.

"Fuck Cas..." Dean ran a hand softly through Castiel's roused and sex-ruffled hair, "We need to do this more often..."

"Agreed..."

Castiel just stayed as he was for a moment, the sweat on Dean's body and his cooling them off as they got their ragged breathing over control. Castiel's body was still tingling as he climbed off of Dean and settled into his side. An arm wrapped around his shoulder and rested against his waist. Dean rubbed circles into Castiel's hipbone as they both just took comfort in each others presence.

"To think," dean chuckled, looking at the ceiling nostalgically, "we were only meant to be chemistry partners in Singer's class."

Castiel hummed, his head nuzzling into the crook of Dean's pulsing neck, "Things change."

"They really do."


	5. Chapter 5

****Author's Note: _**

**Sorry about not being able to update sooner/write longer. My Internet is doing this weird thing were it won't let my laptop connect but it will with my iPod. A majority of what you see here was written with it on Google Drive app and what-not.**

**Sorry if there's any misspellings or grammar errors- do understand that this fucking iPod loves autocorrecting EVERYTHING IT SEES. Sorry about that.**

**Anyways- a major bomb is dropped in this chapter. Good luck, you'll need it**

**ENJOY!~**

* * *

Castiel was sitting in his room, mind racing at all the possibilities of the conversation he had accidentally overheard. In those few moments before Dean had opened the door- and before they got very, very comfortable with each other- Castiel had decided he'd act as though he hadn't heard a syllable. Unless, of course, the subject couldn't be avoided any longer.

But that didn't stop the plaguing thoughts that appeared unbidden in his mind.

The ceiling was the best thing to stare at, as the mattress sunk beneath Castiel's weight. Things had gotten so different- so out of control- in Castiel's life. Before he met Dean, he wanted college, cared about his grades more than his own preferences. Dean had showed him what a lie he'd been living. Apparently, Dean was living a little bit of a lie too.

But Castiel guessed he could excuse it. Considering how Dean felt like shit for ditching him at the lake and telling him as much, that he regretted every second after he drove away in the Impala without him. It didn't change the past, but it was a hell of a start to make-up for it.

"Castiel!"

He groaned, ignoring his mother's tone and shout from downstairs. Most of the time he was home now, he avoided his parents, kept his door lock and life shut to them. In a small way, he resented them. It was for all the bullshit they pulled, for all the stress they put him through for their own dream. Castiel wasn't even sure if they cared about what he needed or wanted- only to feel the official diploma between their greedy fingertips. Castiel felt anger rise in his gut.

"Castiel, young man! Get down here!"

He still ignored her.

There was a banging at his door, going by the strength behind it and sound of the knocks it was his father, "Castiel Novak! Get your ass out of that room right now! We're going to have a talk!"

"How's about no?" Castiel replied, annoyance seeping into his tone like a fever from a festering wound.

"You little smart-ass!"

Castiel chuckled, his voice still carrying the sound from earlier, "Isn't that what you raised me to be?"

Castiel decided this was enough, he opened his window as his dad undid the lock. The door swung open to his red-faced father spitting threats of being grounded as Castiel only looked back for a second. He gave him the middle finger, jumping into the tree and working down the rough bark like a wild-housecat would.

"You little shit!" His father screamed from the window.

Castiel drowned out his voice with the sound of his feet slamming down against the pavement. He'd go to Dean's, explain that his parents were getting onto his ass for nothing again. Okay- maybe they had a little reason to be pissed and the middle finger went a little too far- but Castiel was angry with them. They made him do things he didn't want to, throw him into a bland lifestyle filled with dreamless nights because he was too exhausted to even manage that.

They could get a little taste of their own medicine from the very thing they created.

Instead, Castiel had to stop at the lake, the halfway point between his and Dean's house. It wasn't because his legs couldn't carry him much farther, it was that his mind was beginning to explode from all of these damn thoughts in his brain.

"Cas?"

He whipped around, Dean standing behind him, hands in his pockets and worry on his face, "Why do you look like you've just run sixty miles?"

"My parents-" Castiel took a deep breath, "just needed to get out."

Dean nodded looking away, "Cas, when I told you to start thinking about yourself, I didn't want your relationship with your parents to go to utter hell."

"It's fine, Dean… Can we go somewhere?"

"Where?"

Castiel thought for a moment, "Anywhere- as long as you're with me."

Dean smiled, walking with Castiel back to the Impala. Apparently Dean had gone to the lake to get some alone time like Castiel did. They both swore fate just liked messing with them like that.

They ended up at some cafe, ordering some ridiculously named coffee and sitting in the corner. The atmosphere was nice, casual as a cafe should be.

"So Cas..." Dean sipped at his drink, "What do you want to do today?"

"I have no clue to be honest... How about we just drive?"

Dean furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "Drive?"

Castiel nodded, smiling wide, "Come on! Just going wherever the road takes us? Till we have no gas left or we can't even manage to keep out eyes open?"

"So like- a road trip?"

"One without a destination."

Dean chuckled, "Quite adventurous, even for you. Why the sudden wanderlust?"

"It's just-" Castiel played with his straw, "I'm a little sick of this town to be honest. I know every street name and possible address numbers here. I want something new, something I don't remember or have seen before."

Green eyes met blue, a wide smirk on both of their faces, "If my name is Dean Winchester, than I must honor the offer of a long ass drive to nowhere."

Castiel grabbed Dean's hand, intertwining their fingers and dropping his voice to a whisper, "And if my name is Castiel Novak, than I must say hell yes to Dean Winchester."

They laughed in unison, grabbing their weird drinks and hopping into the Impala. The radio blared song after song loudly, the windows rolled down and their voices flowing with the wind and music. This was honestly the happiest Castiel had been in a long time, and his aching grin on his face was there to prove it.

Dean just drove them anywhere, following Castiel's directions of left, right, or straight. In the end, the sun was long gone and replaced by the moon, stars twinkling above them as they laid their bodies on the good of the Impala.

"I wish we could do this forever." Dean sighed, rubbing a thumb over Castiel's hand and fingers.

"Dean, can I ask you something?"

Dean looked over, seeing those blue eyes so open and full of innocence, "Sure- anything."

Castiel bit his lip, looking away for only a second and facing Dean once again, "Can we do this after high school?"

"What?"

"This-" Castiel motioned between them, "the open road, music blaring with wind in my ears. You in the driver's seat and myself in the passenger- nowhere to go and endless time and freedom. This Dean- I want this, and I want to ask you if you'll spend every second of it with me."

Dean swallows, looking away and fumbling with with his words, "Cas I- I- ..."

He stiffens, Castiel's stern words reaching his ears and solidifying his spine, "Dean... what is it?"

"I don't know Cas, I thought you wanted to be a musician."

"I do but- I want you Dean, in my life for as long as I can keep you... Unless- unless you're saying you don't want that-"

"No!" Dean blurts, green eyes widening and sighing, "It's just- I don't want you throwing your life away for me is all..."

Castiel tightens his grip on Dean's hand, "I'm not throwing anything away. I'm making it better. You told me to go after all the things I drempt about- not Franklin or swimming- music and my own will to do what I want in life. Dean, you told me you loved me and thought you must have gotten a miracle getting to be with me... Don't you think I feel the same? Getting to be with you is amazing and wonderful, I wouldn't trade it for anything. So why are you saying no? Are you- ... changing your mind? ..."

Dean doesn't say anything for a long time. He just bites his lip. Sometimes it trembles, other times Castiel think he's biting onto it so hard he can draw blood. The silence puts weight in Castiel's heart and doubt in his mind. What if Dean really was leaving or changing his mind? Why wasn't he answering?

"Cas..."

The tears start before anyone expects them to, Dean's shoulders shaking and his breath escaping his lungs in quick succession. Castiel pulls him close, letting Dean into the crook of his neck where the tears wet his skin and the metal of the Impala. Dean feels so small, so broken and scared. Castiel fears for the worst.

"I don't know why I can't tell you..." Dean sobs, "it's just a few damn syllables- it should be easy!"

"Dean it's okay-"

Dean grasps onto Castiel's jacket like its the only things he's got left in the world, as if in any second he might just fall off, "It's not Cas! Everything's not okay! The world is crashing down around me and I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do!"

"I'm here, Dean."

"Cas- the main reason I was gone five days wasn't because I was trying to gain my fucking balls back from the kiss at the lake- I was at the hospital."

Castiel's thoughts remember the vague words from outside Dean's door, "Is it a relative dying? ..."

Dean sobs some more, then lifts his head to meet Castiel's eyes, tears still rolling down his cheeks and voice shaking as he responds, "No Cas- it's me."

Castiel throat constricts. He really should have prepared for the worst.


	6. Chapter 6

****Author's Note: _**

**Im debating on if this is finished or not- because I might post "after chapter" and stuff. Either way, this is pretty much done.**

**Sorry if this was disappointing/bombast to you and such- or that the ending sucked and that I trolled you a little. Either way the ending was a bitch and didn't ever come out right to me. This was the best solution. **

**ENJOY!~**

* * *

Castiel isn't sure how to process anything anymore. It's like all his words are gone and he can't speak- so he just holds onto Dean, holds onto everything that he can. It's not much, but it's all Castiel has ever wanted for a while now.

"How long?" Is all he manages.

"Six months."

Castiel is on the verge of sobbing. His throat is contracting and his lungs feel like they're filling with water and he can't breath. The night around them continues on like nothing has happened, and Castiel thinks it always will. That everything will.

"What from?"

"Heart condition."

For some reason, hope rises in Castiel's stomach, "You may have a chance, Dean!"

His green eyes narrow, "A chance?"

"Organ donors!" Castiel feels in a small place in his mind that this is wrong, to lead himself and Dean on for a solution that rarely ever worked out, "It may work."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Dean furrows his eyebrows, "I guess we can try- but I don't know if it'll end up right in the end."

Castiel puts his head underneath Dean's jaw. He can feel the heartbeat, knows it's there, and maybe having to face the warmth of the arms that were currently wrapping around him and the somewhat steady thump in his ear makes his heart itself drop.

"Dean… I want to stay with you- and any chance there is to fix this- then I'll take it."

The next six months are spent several ways:

Castiel works hard, trying several methods to get Dean the transplant he needs. It's endless nights of calls and writing pleading letters. Dean doesn't enjoy that it feels like he's begging for his life- says that in the end he'll die anyways- but it only furthers Castiel. It may seem selfish for him to do so, to continue when some moments Dean looks like he's finished, but he still persists. Because maybe they both secretly know that if Castiel doesn't try he won't forgive himself for the rest of his life.

The other way they spend it is a weird, zig-zag road trip. There's countless cities and miles, songs on the radio and cheap gas-station food. It's not the ideal way for some people- but to the two of them it's perfect. They mostly go up and down the coast, going to beaches and walking along the sand. Castiel knows it might end, so he's soaking up every millisecond of it.

Right now, they're in Florida, the waves gently crashing onto the shore and sending a salty tang in the air. Dean's fingers are intertwined with Castiel's as they slowly walk down the beach. It's quite, peaceful, and they both have no idea what to say. The countdown to the six month is nearing and they know they're running out of time- fast. But this moment is too good for them to ruin with speaking about death.

"Cas?" Dean is somewhat looking ahead, the cityline glowing faintly and the breeze ruffling his hair.

"What?"

Dean stops them, looks down at their hands and smirks, "Can I- ask you something?"

"Anything."

Dean rubs the back of his neck with a free hand, "I saw a movie once when I was twelve… The characters had a little scene on the beach and… I was just wondering-"

"Are you asking if I want to have sex with you on the beach?"

The bit lip and the small nod makes him chuckle, "That's the idea, yeah."

Castiel smiles, hooking his fingers in the belt loops of Dean's jeans and pulling himself closer, "We're on a public beach Dean- someone might see us."

"You think I care? They can keep walking or find another strip. Besides, it's almost midnight, no one's going to be taking their kids swimming in the dark."

As soon as Dean finishes the sentence, Castiel presses his chapped lips to Dean's. Maybe it's the heat of the moment (haha get my pun?) or the sea on their skin, but soon there's no clothes and just the sensation of Dean syncing his hips with the waves. It's cliche, but damn does it make Castiel happy.

The moans and gasps from them fill the forlorn beach as the night dreaded on. It was just like how it was supposed to be- except the thought of them not being able to do this anymore lingered in the back of their minds, just like it always had from that night.

It was later now, Dean in the hospital and Castiel sitting in a hospital chair. He's worried, he's tired, and he's hoping that everything will be okay in the end. The doctors rush past him and the clock ticks away the minutes that turn into hours on the opposite wall. It's when Castiel thinks he's about to lose his sanity that the doctor calls him in.

Dean's in the bed, his eyes closed. The sight of him makes Castiel's heart clench. The doctor lets him have a moment to process the sight before him.

"I understand if he looks a little worse for wear," he begins, "but he'll be fine in about a month."

Castiel smiles, tears at the edges of his eyes, "Thank you so much."

The doctor nods, taking leave out of the room as Castiel takes one of the chairs and sits beside Dean. It'd been a long six months, but Castiel managed. He guessed that maybe his parents pushing him for Franklin motivated him to work so hard for Dean's transplant- but either way it worked and Castiel is sure that he's going to be grateful for the rest of his life.

He presses kisses to Dean's bandaged hand, somewhat running into the IV, "We did it Dean- you're okay."

Castiel knows he won't answer, won't for a few more hours because of the anesthesia from surgery, but it's better than Dean never speaking to him again by thousands of times.

Instead, Castiel waits for Dean, and he always will.


End file.
